Who Can Talk About Forgiveness?

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Who can talk about forgiveness or humility as if they are masters of the subject?

Not I.

Whenever I think humility is nailed down or I'm

oh-so forgiving, I find my ego is totally in control.

Reality Check: I hurt feelings.

Being demure is not my strong suit.

I’ve used my ego to shield me from insecurities and alienated others. Expectations for Jo-Jo are the gateway to resentment, which is a slippery slope of my will and very little of God’s will...if I look to him at all. In short, a modest posture and a forgiving heart does not come naturally to me.

Let me give you an example from my time in military service; a little context, if you will. My job beyond the soldiering was as a legal specialist. In civilian terms, I was a criminal justice paralegal which meant I often saw the worst of human behavior. What a tough lens to look through at the youthful age of 20-24. Maturity-wise, I was still a broken 17-year-old, which made the exposure to humanity’s vices much harder to process.

In this role, people often questioned me about military law, seeking personal advice. I’d been trained to stay neutral in these circumstances and, if in doubt, talk to a superior. One such experience brought a friend (non-military) to my door. He asked if I would speak with a young servicewoman from his church who was having trouble and wanted some suggestions on how to handle it.

As it turned out, this sweet young woman was a Military Police Officer (MP). Let’s call her Emily, for simplicity’s sake. Emily was new to military service and, though it’s against the military code of conduct, was being subjected to severe hazing at her unit. She’d been forced to shave her head and was being harassed in ugly, incomprehensible ways. Emily showed me pictures of what she looked like before the hazing (long, beautiful blond tresses) and explained how the experience made her feel about herself, her service commitment, and the institution. It hurt my heart as I listened to Emily’s pain.

What struck me as even more unbelievable was how graceful Emily was under pressure. She didn’t express hate or righteous indignation. She didn’t appear to want vengeance or even justice for that matter. Emily’s posture was one of acceptance and forgiveness. Something bad was happening to her and, from her point of view, her best option was separation from military service since reality did not align with her moral code. She expressed the pain of having her dream shattered. Emily was a good girl in a bad situation. As we talked, I surmised that it was her goodness, her unyielding moral code, that had made her a target. Needless to say, where she was calm, I was furious and speed-dialed my supervisor for the next steps.

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” (Matthew 18:21-22)

There was nothing in me at the time that could have handled this situation with the grace I saw in Emily. She knew her worth as a daughter of God and recognized she was in a situation that would not honor it. Without yielding who she was, Emily advocated for herself. She was calm and quiet, yet sure. I still marvel over it.

As we move through the seasons of life, with all its ups and downs, our ultimate example of forgiveness is Jesus Christ, who uttered from the cross the ultimate example of forgiveness; an amazing gift for all of humanity.

Then Jesus said, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

Where are you with forgiveness in your life?

Can you think about your deepest hurts and be at peace, knowing God sees, knows, and will handle it? Does resentment erupt like an ember to a flame? Or are you stuffing it down while it eats at your serenity and makes you doubt who you are or what you’re worth?

God’s way and timing will alleviate the symptoms of hurt and resentment, setting the bearer on stable ground.

In twelve-step work, we process trespasses against us as well as our trespasses against others. Learning to forgive ourselves as well as others is deep spiritual work. We should not expect to do this alone, but to seek God in our quiet places and allow him to guide us through the process as we become willing and able. God is always with us, and will light our path if we are honest, open, and willing.

Like Emily, let’s root forgiveness in our hearts and walk with grace in the face of our hardships. We are children of a loving God who longs to set us free from our hurts and defects. Take heart, dear friends, God is big enough to see us through whatever we face.

When we gather at the fire ring next time, we’ll visit the last verse of the Lord’s prayer. Until then, my thoughts & well wishes are with you.

From the Fire Ring Blog, Vol. 4, No. 3

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My soul, wait though only upon God; for my expectation is from him.

He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defense; I shall not be moved.

In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.

Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us.

—Psalm 62: 5-8

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